Michael Douglas: A Clerihew

To help celebrate Michael Douglas’ discovery, announced in yesterday’s Guardian, that throat cancer is caused – and cured – by cunnilingus, we offer this cautionary and terrible clerihew:

michael douglas

loved cunnilingus.

cunnilingually-caused complications came close to killing the orally-committed  romancer

until – in a miraculous (and not previously suspected) cure –  its continuance curbed the cancer.

The best bit of the interview is where Douglas explains how oral sex also cures (as the clerihew explains) the cancer it gives:

He shrugs. “And if you have it, cunnilingus is also the best cure for it.”

Right, I say. OK. So what he is suggesting is that it all evens out? “That’s right,” says Douglas. “It giveth and it taketh.”

Update, August 2013 – In another, sadder instance of give and take, the Douglases have announced their separation. Ill health, on both sides, is cited as a factor.

Update 2014–It’s delightful to report that the Douglases have reconciled and are healthy again–truly cured, we hope, by the medical potency of cunnilingus!