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Michael Douglas: A Clerihew

Catherine Zeta-Jones married Michael Douglas in November 2000.
Catherine Zeta-Jones married Michael Douglas in November 2000.

Catherine Zeta-Jones married Michael Douglas in November 2000.

To help celebrate Michael Douglas’ discovery, announced in yesterday’s Guardian, that throat cancer is caused – and cured – by cunnilingus, we offer this cautionary and terrible clerihew:

michael douglas

loved cunnilingus.

cunnilingually-caused complications came close to killing the orally-committed  romancer

until – in a miraculous (and not previously suspected) cure –  its continuance curbed the cancer.

The best bit of the interview is where Douglas explains how oral sex also cures (as the clerihew explains) the cancer it gives:

He shrugs. “And if you have it, cunnilingus is also the best cure for it.”

Right, I say. OK. So what he is suggesting is that it all evens out? “That’s right,” says Douglas. “It giveth and it taketh.”

Update, August 2013 – In another, sadder instance of give and take, the Douglases have announced their separation. Ill health, on both sides, is cited as a factor.

Update 2014–It’s delightful to report that the Douglases have reconciled and are healthy again–truly cured, we hope, by the medical potency of cunnilingus!

About freddie omm (15 Articles)
Freddie Omm is a writer living in Europe

2 Comments on Michael Douglas: A Clerihew

  1. fR. Allingtom // June 11, 2013 at 7:30 pm // Reply

    Unerringly hilarious to read about the deluded medical expertise of Hollywood stars…

    Even more so when expressed in an effortlessly clinical, casually cruel clerihew!

  2. Thanks, fR.

    The aim of the clerihew is to share compassion, certainly not casual cruelty. 😄
    The couple are still together, nearly a decade on, so all power to their cunnilinguitic and other loving energies! 👍❤️🥳

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